The Name's Potter, James Potter
by Masque31
Summary: After watching James Bond, James Potter II remembers an old bit of parchment lurking in his father's study.


**Disclaimer: Don't own HP or James Bond or Spiderman just in case ok?**

**The Name's Potter, James Potter**

"Mum, mum please?"

This was the voice of James Potter II as he brandished a Muggle DVD in his mother's face.

"James, you're only ten."

"So?"

"There'll be kissing and sappy bits."

"I'll close my eyes. Please, please can I see James Bond?"

"Why would a ten year old want to see Die Another Day?"

"His name's James mum _James_."

James pouted and turned on his puppy face.

"You're not going to give up are you?"

"Nope."

"Honey!" called Ginny "Movie."

Harry entered the room.

"We're going to watch James Bond," squealed James.

"You gave in didn't you?" Harry whispered in her ear.

"I couldn't help it," she whispered back "He was doing his puppy face."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say he inherited it from Sirius."

They watched James prance around the living room with the remote and the DVD.

After a bit of frenzied fiddling, the theme tune was spilling out of the speakers.

Al trudged in from the garden followed by Lily.

"Mummy Daddy, look what Al can do!"

Al stretched out his palm. There was a flower opening and closing like sea anemones.

Harry smiled, remembering Snape's memories.

"Just like your grandmother," he said ruffling Al's untidy hair.

Al beamed poking the flower a little.

They all settled down to watch.

* * *

"Night James, Al, Lily," Ginny said softly.

"Night mum," came the reply.

Ginny went downstairs. James opened his eyes a crack and checked his watch. 8:30. 2 hours till his parents went to bed.

He turned over.

"Hey Al. Al!" he whispered to his younger brother.

"What?"

"Remember Christmas?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Remember what Uncle Ron said."

"What? No! You can't take it. That's stealing! You'll go to Azkaban."

"Stop listening to Teddy. He just said that to stop you taking his wand."

"Fine. Do it by yourself."

"Fine. I don't need you anyway."

James settled down to feign sleep.

* * *

The alarm rang. James woke up and quickly silenced it.12:00. Perfect. He pulled black clothes over his pyjamas and donned a black balaclava. He smeared toothpaste around his eyes. Taking his brother's Spiderman torch, he crept downstairs and did a few tumbleturns.

Wearing only his socks to be silent, he slid to the office along the wood polished floor. He peeked through the frosted glass. Empty. He opened it and strode to the desk.

The first draw was full of stationary. The second draw was spare parchment. The last draw was locked.

'If I was a key,

Where would I be?' thought James. He spotted a potted plant on the desk. With bated breath, he lifted it. There was the key!

'So predictable,' he thought.

Humming the James bond theme tune quietly, he slid it in and turned it. He peeked in. It was full of junk like bits of a locket and a mangled cup. There was a huge fang, a cloak and yes! A bit of old looking parchment.

James lifted it slowly. There was a thud upstairs. He looked up nervously. Stuffing under his jumper, he replaced everything, and exited with the words

"The name's Potter, James Potter."

* * *

Once upstairs, James looked over the parchment again. Would you need a wand to open it?

He spoke to it. "James Potter II wonders if you need a wand to open this map."

Writing appeared from nowhere. James beamed. He'd stolen the Marauder's Map!

_Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment and wonders whether this is Mr Prongs' grandson._

_Mr Prongs would like to add that if this was his grandson, he would be extremely handsome._

_Mr Moony would also like to add that this must be Mr Prongs' grandson as he has obviously stolen the map from his father._

_Mr Wormtail craves cheese._

"That's right," whispered James.

_Mr Padfoot-_

_Mr Prongs would like to interrupt as __he__ wants to be the one to reveal the secret since it _is_ his grandson._

_Mr Padfoot agrees._

_Mr Prongs would like to say that his beloved grandson need only say 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good' to open this map and say 'Mischief managed' to close it._

"Cool," said James.

_The Marauders agree._

_

* * *

_

"JAMES, GET IN HERE!" bellowed Harry.

James sauntered coolly into the study.

"I know you took the map."

"You can't prove anything!" yelled James dramatically, pointing a finger at his dad.

"James, what other midget burglar with toothpaste eyes comes in to steal a piece of parchment while singing the James Bond tune and saying 'The name's Potter, James Potter' at the end?"

"Sorry." James shuffled his feet a bit.

"James you could have waited till next year. I would have given it to you along with my cloak."

Harry put a hand on his son's shoulder.

"Really?!"

"Yes. Now go and eat breakfast. Your mum's making sausages"

James skipped out of the study.

"Did you get into trouble?" said Lily, lugging a huge bear behind her.

"Who am I Lils?"

"Did you forget? You're my brother silly!"

"No! I'm Potter, James Potter."

"Right."

* * *

**Silly little oneshot. I wanted to do one where James steals the map. The Muggle Swap Program is doing quite well! Reviews please****‼**


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